So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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