you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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