Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
