In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
