Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
