Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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