He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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