One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
