How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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