I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize