would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
