I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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