Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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