Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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