Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
