dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
