You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
