How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
