So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
