new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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