btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
