just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
