I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
false alarm, still single
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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