Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
