We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
