Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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