Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
