6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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