im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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