I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
