You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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