I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
