I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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