Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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