Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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