Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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