I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
