i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
