she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
