By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
