so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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