Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
