then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
