My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
