If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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