I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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