im having a threesome with these popsicles
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
