If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
