apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
