So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
