It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
