I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
