Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
