Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
