Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
