You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
