i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will be naked everywhere
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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