Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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