I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
