I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
