yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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