I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've blown a few things in my day
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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