Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
