He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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