i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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