Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
