Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
