I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I love you. Go after that dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
