Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
