just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
