I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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