Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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