Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
