I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
